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A reminder which might sound silly, but it comes up often enough with so many of our users, we think it bears reminding.
It is NOT “weird” or unusual for bodies to have:
• hair (or not)
• ripply or jiggly bits
• pokey or sharp bits
• bits that are firmer and bits that are not
• zits or ingrown hairs
• scars or stretch marks
• dry or ashy bits or oily, slick bits
• wrinkles or lines
• parts we think are awesome
• parts we don’t think are awesome
• parts which work really well
• parts which don’t work well, don’t work at all, or work differently than they used to or than someone else’s parts do
• parts that look symmetrical or “proportional” and parts that don’t
• parts that meet an ideal right now and parts that don’t; parts that met ideals of the past or will in the future and parts that don’t or won’t (because beauty ideals change a lot over time, much like bodies do)
• parts that look different than they used to, and look different now than they will later
• parts that are bigger or smaller than someone else’s parts
• parts which feel like they define us and parts which feel counter to our sense of self
In fact, what would be unusual for adult bodies or those becoming adult bodies would be for at least some of those things NOT to be part of your body. If you feel certain you are the only person you know with any of these things going on, you’re truly mistaken. These are bodies, people: this is how they really are.
You all already know that how bodies look in magazines, TV or movies isn’t usually how bodies look in real life. The same goes for bodies we aren’t looking at very close up, under all kinds of lighting, or under the kind of microscope so many people apply to their own bodies.
So, if you’re worried your body isn’t okay because of any of these things, or because someone else won’t accept them, please try and know and accept that bodies with this stuff are what real bodies of real people are like.
You need to make peace with that yourself, and so does anyone else who wants to be with your very real body. And that’s often a process, something we do through life, not something we can have conflict with and then magically be 100% cool with just because someone said you should be.
Obviously, you or anyone else can choose not to make that peace, and to strive to only have or be around bodies that don’t have these things, but avoiding them forever is going to be awfully tricky to manage at all, quite lonely, and make living life in your body — and for the people around you, living life in theirs — seriously uncomfortable.
P.S. The word proportional is in quotes, because even though a lot of folks use that word like it isn’t something arbitrary, it’s totally arbitrary. What someone thinks of as “in proportion” or not is cultural, individual and often based in the beauty ideals of a given time, the works. But there’s really no one right set of proportions, nor any one way the whole world thinks of, or always has, of proportionality with bodies.