Being nice or not nice has nothing to do with your actions. You need consent before you engage in sexual activity with anyone—including people you are in a relationship with.
Not raping or taking the risk of raping the three women I mentioned here doesn’t make me “nice.” It just makes me a responsible person—toward myself and other people. But if you read the Good Men Project’s articles and others like them, you might think differently because they poorly attempt to present you with other “in-between” types of men, beyond the responsible and the criminal:
The “Accidental Rapist” who had sex with a sleeping woman because she looked like she wanted to have sex with him when she was awake. The “Occupational Hazard Rapist,” who has sex with drunk women, some of whom might call him to tell him he raped him, but whatevs. Beyond these, there are other types of rapists I’ve heard of and you probably have, too. The “No-Contest Rapist” is still a “nice guy” because the woman was too traumatized to stop him. The “She-Was-Asking-For-It Rapist” can’t seem to view women as human beings who have a purpose in life other than getting men to sleep with them. For the “We’re-in-a-Sexual-Relationship-So-I-Don’t-Need-Consent Rapist,” Google “spousal rape.” There are lots more. And guess what? Most of these guys are “nice guys,” not monsters, we’re told.
By using sympathetic narratives and then peppering them with how the woman dressed, how she bragged about her sex life—so unladylike, right?—and how she kissed him on the lips, looked at him a certain way, touched him on the thigh, the pieces published by the Good Men Project weave utterly confusing scenarios. Then, with their liberal use of clichés, dehumanizing characterizations of women, and misrepresenting criminality, they are playing mind games with their readers to make the facts murky and advocate that these men are “nice guys.”
Read all of this excellent piece here.