my feminist goal is not to convince men that girls are of value, my feminist goal is to achieve a future where the...
Not one single hurtful thing ever got changed by someone grinning and bearing it.
Hurtful things changed because people have said ‘That hurts me....”
The problem that needs to be fixed is not kick all the girls out of YA, it’s teach boys that stories featuring female protagonists or written by...”
We’re finishing up some major updates to the tech that holds the site up and makes it work. So if your find the site down or behaving strangely, rest assured that we’ll have it up and running again soon.
I will be a junior in high school next year, and because I’ve been lucky to stumble on a lot of really great sex-positive resources, I’ve learned I have a pretty strong interest in sexuality—as in, studying it/doing something in it as a career. However, getting information about this field is much more difficult than, say, engineering or law. What are jobs within this field, what are areas in college/majors you’d advise, and what are some ways I can get involved now, as a minor? My areas of interest are not really in the medical field—I’m more interested in counseling, giving advice, activism, and education
Also, do you have any advice for telling people about my interest? Right now the only person who knows is my boyfriend, because it’s really difficult for me to trust most other people to not equivocate wanting to study sexuality with being obsessed with having sex. Esp my parents, who are politically liberal in every way except in their parenting. They ask me what I want to do with my life really often, and it’s kinda stressful to not be able to talk to them.
Sam W replies:
Hello Me-from-the-past, I’m glad to see you discovered a means of asking questions of your future self.
I kid, but believe me when I say that your questions strike a chord with anyone who’s found themselves drawn towards sex and sexuality based professions (for the purposes of this articles, I’ll use sex ed as shorthand for all of these jobs, but know that I’m including work such as counseling and activism under that heading). Because wanting to spend your days working with and thinking about sex and sexuality is not a desire that comes with a clear path stretching out before it.
This lack of a clear path is both awesome and terrible. On the one hand, it means that people can come into sex education and related fields from all walks of life, and it means that taking a slight detour doesn’t mean giving up on the path entirely. On the other hand, it can leave people who are just getting started in the field feeling completely lost. So, while I can’t guarantee what your path forward looks like, I can give you some advice on how to get a clearer sense of it.
Read the rest here
How do I text my significant other without coming off as a thot or a whore?
Heather Corinna replies:
The idea that women who sexually express themselves in any number of ways — like something as simple as expressing sexual desires to a partner through words, be it in speech or text — are sluts, people without or with less value or only sexual value, “bad” women or any of the other crappy things usually meant by people who think like this comes from sexism.
It’s sexist to believe that women can only sexually express themselves acceptably in certain ways or else they lack value or worth because they’re women. Words like you’re using here are almost exclusively applied only to women. Even when they’re rarely used about men, they don’t pack anything close to the same punch. We get questions from users who are girls or women nearly every day expressing this kind of concern. I could count the number of times on my fingers in fifteen years of this work that men or boys have expressed similar concerns, and most of them have been gay or bisexual.
Even the idea that people who are earnestly whores (who engage in prostitution or other kinds of sex work) are “bad” women is usually about sexism. Hint: they’re just people with a job they can do or want to do for the same or similar reasons people choose other kinds of work, like so they can eat and keep a roof over their heads. It’s also often about some other kinds of discrimination — like discrimination around economic class or race: women of color, for instance, are far more frequently arrested for prostitution than white women — but sexism is usually the biggie.
Ultimately, what you’re asking me is how to avoid sexism.
Read the rest of the answer here
We will likely be quiet and pretty inactive on all our social media channels for the next week or so.
Our much-loved and intensely-used UBB — the first direct service we created, and still our most utilized, with close to 70K in registered users! — has not only been dying a slow death, it’s been trying to take other parts of our site with it to the grave. (It’s been acting like one seriously pissed-off zombie.) This has been, as it turns out, the primary cause of our technical issues lately.
So, it is time for us to let it go in peace and create a new message board system. Because summer for us involves both more traffic, but also often less volunteer availability, we already have our hands very full during the summer as it is. We would not have picked this time to make such a big change and do such a big project, but ultimately, we don’t have a choice.
So, we’re limiting what other efforts we can to hopefully get this up and running, put our dear, old UBB in its final resting place (we can’t migrate any of the data or accounts, but it will be made a read-only archive in perpetuity) and get our site back at its usual zippy speed and functionality.
We’ll be back on all our channels soon, and appreciate your patience! :)