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Posts tagged "abstinence"
What’s the typical use effectiveness rate for abstinence? All I can find anywhere, even at organizations that teach abstinence, or say it’s the only effective method of contraception, is the perfect use rate. How well does it really work for people in real life? Why doesn’t anyone have that information on this method when we do for every other method?
Read the answer (to our own question, mind) here.

My boyfriend and I are being abstinent until marriage. We only had sex once, we aren’t doing it again and want to be renewed as being abstinent, and we are doing that with my cousin and her bf, because they quit after doing it for months, too.

There was only one incident that happened, that scares us both to death. I would never let him in my vagina because that would just ruin our relationship. We had anal sex. I was sitting on top of him, and the he pre-cummed in his pants. He wanted to just stick his penis in my butt, not my vagina, so he did and it hurt soooo badly. He said he cummed while I was on top. I’m not sure if he wasn’t in my vagina, though, because I had a tampon in and when I went to the bathroom after all of this happened, I found the tampon all moved up inside my vagina. Then he cummed and took it out, and we stopped, and we both laid next to each other and he stuck his penis back in my butt again. He used lotion so it wouldn’t hurt as bad, and it didn’t go in far. After the second time lasted for a minute or two, we stopped and decided we should never do it again, because we weren’t like that, being all “sexual.” That happened on April 19, and it is April 29. We are both scared that I may be pregnant. I never eat a lot, but now I crave food a little more. We are just so scared to death. I never lost my virginity. I was just wondering if the second time he cummed, if it was in my real butt or not, because it felt different from a different position. I want to know if there is any risk at all that I might be pregnant. My period was the 16th-19th, and I really don’t want to wait that long to see if I am or not, but I live with my nana and her new abusive husband would kick me out if I even had a pregnancy test so there is not really a good way to do that. I would just like to know all the information, if we should be worried or not, and anything you can tell us. Thank you so much!

Read the answer here.


dear internet, let me tell you some things about my public-school-in-georgia sex education.

pictured above is my abstinence til marriage card, given to me in my eighth grade health class. as you can see, i did not sign it, so it is non-binding. they were “optional” but the teacher placed the basket at the front of the class and stared us down. my 13-year-old self had a very brief dilemma between 1. making a stand and not getting one or 2. getting one because it’s fucking hilarious. i am very glad i chose the latter, because as i predicted, this is now something hilarious to show everyone.

that year in health we also learned “how to spot the identifying features of a crack baby” which is literally nothing but lies. we had a system of anonymous questions, and once someone asked “how do i know if i’m a lesbian?” our teacher looked disgusted and she replied “how would i know? i’m not a lesbian!”

EDIT i forgot to mention when she gave these to us she suggested we “cut up our cards together with our husbands on our wedding day” and i remember thinking, fuck if i marry someone from my middle school

the next time i had sex ed in high school it was taught by a dude gym coach who spent the whole time talking about his daughters. the book we were learning from listed “low self-esteem” “stunted social growth” and “depression,” among others, as consequences of premarital sex. at one point, it asked us to fill in the disadvantages of having an abortion. our teacher went, “well, i’m personally against abortion, so we’re just going to skip this section,” which confused me, because it was explicitly asking for an argument against abortion.

the last time i had sex ed it was pretty good and there were free condoms and we got little bottles of lube every time we answered questions, but i don’t think that counts cause it was in an intro to women’s studies class.

The results revealed that the majority of the participants believed that the existing abstinence before marriage program did little to help address the crisis of HIV/AIDS in the community. The youth reported that although they received some sex education in school, it was primarily focused on women’s issues and was offered as an elective course, which enabled many of the males to opt out. In addition, the limited safe sex education that was provided was only available in junior high school. Parents and students believe that sex education classes should be introduced as early as elementary school because many children become sexually active well before their teen years.

The participants also expressed a desire to have classes taught by a medical or health expert, rather than a teacher from the school. They believed that learning from a professional in the medical field, or someone living with a sexually transmitted disease, would have more impact than learning from a staff educator. Lloyd said, “The perspectives presented in this study illustrate a broad disconnect between the needs of the African Americans in this community and the policies that affect their access to health education.” Overall, the findings clearly demonstrate the importance of considering the input of those being served when designing programs to address social and medical needs.

Read the rest here.

What I also know from doing my job with young people, especially over the last ten years or so, it that how I see and frame sex as a sexuality and sexual health educator and worker isn’t how plenty of people do. I know that more than quite a few young people are engaging in what, in my view, is sex, but, in their view or definition, is not.

If at 17, someone had said to me, "I don’t think we should have sex until marriage. How about we go down on each other?" It would have sounded a lot like, "I don’t want to eat anything right now. Whaddya say we have a sandwich?"  The title of this piece alone would’ve had my head spinning for days while I tried to make sense of it (and I might have asked if it was an Orwell quote I didn’t recognize). But I know that for some of you, it might not even give you pause, and some of what I’m saying here may sound to you like what I’m saying doesn’t make any sense.

It’s not my place — in fact, it’s on me to make sure I don’t — to tell any of you what kind of sex is or isn’t right for you, uniquely, in any given model or situation. It’s my place to try and help you figure that out for yourselves when you ask for my help, but ultimately, it’s on you to figure your own choices out for yourselves.

Here’s the thing, though: if and when you don’t want to take certain risks — physically or emotionally — or open yourself or others up to certain experiences, and you’re doing the things which put you in those positions, what I can’t do, especially if I’m to serve you well, is pretend something isn’t something it is.

Read more on making choices when…well, some sex is going on when it apparently isn’t going on, or when a boyfriend or girlfriend is saying they want to wait while at the same time isn’t waiting at all here.

Gov. Gary Herbert vetoed a controversial bill that would have required schools to teach abstinence-only sex education and given them the option to drop such courses all together. HB363, sponsored by Rep. Bill Wright, R-Holden, also would have prevented the “advocacy” of homosexuality.

SALT LAKE CITY, March 15 (UPI) — Hundreds of protesters urged Utah Gov. Gary Herbert to veto a bill that would forbid school districts to teach use of contraceptives.

The bill, which drew the protesters to the state Capitol’s Rotunda Wednesday, would also allow school districts to drop sex education and require those that keep the courses to teach only abstinence as a means of birth control, The Salt Lake Tribune reported.

The bill “takes Utah dangerously backward,” said Maryann Martindale, executive director of the Alliance for a Better UTAH, which organized the rally.

Current law allows parents to keep their children out of sex-education classes or ask local school boards to offer abstinence-only education.

Brad Lancaster of Tooele said parents, not lawmakers, should decide what schools may teach.

"We’re being told by lawmakers what we can and can’t have our children taught," Lancaster said.

He said children need to have accurate information.

"I don’t want them being taught in a locker room by a 16-year-old kid," Lancaster said.

Herbert has said he will likely make a decision next week on whether to veto the bill.

"At the end of the day, I’ve got to sort through all the pros and cons, and ultimately make the determination as governor what I think is in the best interest of Utah and Utah’s families and is good policy for Utah going forward," Herbert said Tuesday evening.