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Posts tagged "choices"

Pursuing a crush on a teacher, and having sex with someone who is way sure about what they want when you’re so not sure at all: both often recipes for disaster.

It is quite possible to interrogate how drinking complicates men’s and women’s communication of consent without blaming women for rape or negative consensual sexual experiences. But the importance of affirmative consent—not merely teaching boys to hear the word “no,” but to actively seek the word “yes”—must be isolated from the moralistic judgement that surrounds hookup panic. Casual sex does not lead to rape. Having multiple partners does not lead to rape. Focusing on schoolwork or career goals rather than relationships does not lead to rape. Writers can devote as many words as they like to worrying about such behaviors, and Susan Patton can continue to tell women that their new-found liberation (a premise which, as presented, is also worthy of interrogation) will leave them alone and undesirable. Such antiquated ideas are extremely damaging. But it is even more damaging to act as if sexual assault and rape are the price women pay for independence and sexual freedom.
Molly Jane Knefel, from Hookup Panic: No, Casual Sex Does Not Lead to Rape, here.
  • You asking someone if they have a sexually transmitted infection and them saying no
  • Your partners having asked previous partners if they had STIs
  • Someone telling you they’re “clean,” especially someone who has never had any testing done, or isn’t current with their tests
  • Using condoms sometimes, but not always
  • Putting condoms on after genital contact begins, or only before ejaculation or orgasm
  • Sharing sex toys without covering them with a condom or boiling them before or after use
  • Not doing anything at all for prevention, because everyone’s previous partners said they were virgins
  • Having pap smears be the only testing anyone is getting
  • Having an HIV or Hepatitis screen during blood donation be the only testing someone had had
  • Avoiding any vaginal intercourse, but having unprotected oral or anal sex
  • Giving a partner oral sex but not swallowing their ejaculate
  • Not having intercourse, per se, but rubbing genitals directly together without clothing on or latex barriers
  • Having had the HPV vaccine, but not using barriers
  • Using withdrawal (“pulling out”) for vaginal or anal intercourse
  • Hormonal methods of contraception: they protect against pregnancy, but not against STIs
  • Being “virgins,” particularly if that means either person having had no partners for intercourse before, but having had them for other kinds of sex, like oral sex
  • Having someone be your first partner, or being theirs, but one of you has had sexual partners before
  • Being a certain age
  • Being married or engaged
  • Being lesbian and/or only having slept with women
  • Being serially monogamous: in other words, not having had what you consider any casual sex partners, but still having had more than one partner and just moving relationship to relationship
  • Being in love with or loving someone
  • Looking at your genitals and those of your partner and seeing nothing unusual
  • Using condoms or other barriers past their expiry dates
  • Washing genitals before and/or after sex or urinating before and/or after sex, but not using barriers
  • Someone or yourself only having had one previous partner, only two previous partners, only five previous partners, or any other arbitrary number of previous partners
  • Being a “good girl” or a “good guy”
  • Being a member of a certain economic class, race, sexual orientation, size, shape or gender

If and when we want to reduce the risks of STIs as much as possible, while still engaging in sex, then:

Safer Sex Is:

  • Correct, consistent (always, not just some of the time) use of latex barriers (condoms and other barriers) on body parts or toys for any kind of vaginal, anal or oral sex
  • Being mutually sexually exclusive: that is, both you and your partners only have sex with each other
  • Regular testing for STIs — all you can be tested for, not just one or two — by you and your partner

Read the rest at Scarleteen here.

(P.S.  When we say “safer sex,” we use that term as it was originally developed and intended, to describe the choices and practices to help reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections, not to describe birth control or contraception. When we’re talking about those things, we’ll say birth control or contraception.)

Read the rest at Scarleteen here.

Do you know this org and site?  If not, we think they’re fab.  They provide excellent, non-judgmental information on alcohol and all current recreational drugs as well as valuable safety information.  Check them out!

What do y’all think of this?  Would you say it’s reflective of your choices with friends, or those of people around you?  Or is this, in your opinion, only about the 751 Cornell students studied?

Many people — and probably most — don’t grow up knowing how to arrange for or manage their own healthcare. For some, that’s because our parents, guardians, or other family members did it for us. For others, it’s because we never got regular healthcare so we could learn how it works. Some of us only went to the doctor, clinic, or emergency room when something was very very wrong; some of us had yearly check-ups with the same doctor, in the same place and knew we (or more likely our parents or guardians) could call the doctor’s office any time we were sick.

Whatever your healthcare was like growing up, you may be responsible for it now or very soon. Sexual healthcare is a kind of care that people don’t want parents or guardians involved in, so it may be that seeking out sexual healthcare is where you find you first need to navigate your healthcare on your own.

We know that can be daunting or intimidating. But managing your healthcare mostly just comes down to the following things:

  • Doing some research.
  • Being and staying organized.
  • Communicating clearly and respectfully, asking questions and taking responsibility for gathering and keeping the information you’re given.
  • Recognizing that your health matters and is very important, and keeping that strongly in mind, and in practice, in all your interactions with healthcare providers.

Those are the barest of basics. What follows are specifics so that you can hopefully feel more capable and less frazzled as you start managing your own healthcare, or find some helps to troubleshoot care that’s not working out for you in any way. What the healthcare you get, of any kind, is like, and how it’ll go, will depend on your own health, the kind of healthcare you have access to, and your personal preferences about the kind and frequency of healthcare you get. How it all goes will also often have just as much to do with you as it does a provider.

This is the well-being of your own body and mind we’re talking about here: being able to navigate the healthcare system, to whatever extent you choose to do so and are able to do so, is a crucial skill for maintaining or improving that well-being. So, have a read about choosing a doctor, calling to get an appointment, preparing for an appointment and getting the most out of your interactions with healthcare providers and healthcare support staff.

Have a read at Scarleteen here!