I’m 13 and I really need some help. I have been talking to this guy for ages on my phone and texting him. We have Skyped, and I know he might be ‘one of those older people who have random children acting for them and they have voice filters’ etc, but he has Facebook and I know loads of people who know him, but I just haven’t met him. He is really nice and we both wanna meet each other… We decided we were gonna meet and I’m really excited. He says he wants to finger me, and he want me to give him head, that’s fine because I have done it before so all’s cool. Then when he asked if I wanted to have sex with him, I got creeped. Just need someone to say if I’m doing the right thing or not.Heather Corinna replies:
We have a good piece on safety when it comes to online relationships and meeting up here, but let’s review the basics and talk about you and this situation specifically.
Meeting someone who you don’t know in person and haven’t met before alone, especially if and when they may feel you agreed to be sexual with them before meeting, isn’t a very safe thing to do. Instead, you ideally — and this is true whether someone is 13 or 31 — want to first meet them, if you’re going to, with someone else you know and trust. Better still, bring someone you know and trust and meet in a public place without agreeing or planning to do anything sexual at that meetup at all, even if, based on what you’ve said to each other so far, or felt per seeing his images, you suspect that when you meet them, you might have those feelings.
How someone seems and acts online can be really different from how they seem and act face-to-face. You might meet this guy in person and get a vibe you really don’t like, they might act very differently: he might not seem as nice in person at all. You say you know loads of people who know him, but I don’t know if you mean in-person and know him well, or if they also only or mostly know him online, or, if in person, know him, but not very well. The difference matters. A lot.
You also may find you have zero interest in being sexual with him at all if and when you meet in person. Of course, no one should ever figure that if someone says they will or might want to do something sexual with them that that’s a promise that person is beholden to: it’s not. Everyone can always change their minds when it comes to sex. But you still probably don’t want to say you’re going to do something sexual with someone before you have even met them, especially someone who might be — and it sounds like that could be the case here — seeking you out expressly for sex. Some people react poorly or even aggressively around that kind of situation, and you, like everyone else, probably do not want to have to deal with that. But that’s yet one more reason not to meet alone.
Based on what you’ve said here, it sounds to me like this person’s primary aim in their communications with you is probably sex. I don’t know how you feel about that, and I certainly can’t tell you how you feel about that, but it sounds clear that, to some degree, that makes you uncomfortable. It also sounds like you feel a bit wary, and I think that’s wise.
Read the rest at Scarleteen here.
Whether people go for the neatly trimmed looked, the landing strip, or the full on Brazilian it seems that how they get there may take to them to the ER as often as it takes them to the beach. It seems almost comical, until you read the report by scientist at the University of California, San Francisco about the cuts, scrapes, and burns to the urogenital area that have been rising in recent years. Pubic hair grooming injuries increased five-fold between 2002 and 2010 with an estimated 2,500 injuries in 2010. The majority of these injuries (57 percent were in women) but no small number (43 percent) occurred among men. And these figures are likely an underestimate given how many people may not seek help.
Our increasing fascination with barely there or not there pubic hair has been well documented as a beauty trend in everything from fashion magazines to pop culture (I’m thinking of a certain episode of Sex and the City) to surveys to academic research. The current report points to surveys which suggest that a majority of young women (70 to 88 percent) partially or fully remove their pubic hair as do 58 to 78 percent of men (both gay and heterosexual). This changing cultural norm was documented by researchers at the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University in a 2011 study in which they looked at Playboy centerfolds from 1953 to 2007. They say that pubic hair began disappearing from the pictures in the seventies and was completely gone by the late 2000s.
I have been part of numerous debates among colleagues about what it means that society has now convinced women (and men too) that a natural part of puberty is problematic. Many argue that pubic hair exists for a reason—to protect sensitive skin and that we should be encouraging young people to leave it alone. Others say that it’s a harmless beauty fad. Which side one is on is most often a result of age with older colleagues (those who came of age when pubic hair was still thought of as fashionable or sexy) arguing in favor of the natural state and younger ones in favor of a little man- or –woman-scaping now and then.
Though this study by no means settles the sociological argument, it does suggest that we should warn young people about the potential for injuries that come with various methods of grooming pubic hair. The study found that 83 percent of injuries were from razors, 22 percent from scissors, and 1.4 percent from hot wax. Moreover, though the mean age of those injured was 31, a good deal (29 percent) of injuries in women occurred in those under 18.
From Martha Kempner at RH Reality Check here.